Wormy the 2 month old

Ok...since i've seen so many mummy bloggers do this kind of post, i am going to join the bandwagon too.

What she can do :

1. Just few weeks ago, she suddenly started to coo and "talk" in reply when you talk to her. It just happened overnight and caught us by surprise. lol. but it is a very nice development. We enjoy "talking" to her at night after she's back from the nanny's.
2. She smiles more now! Phew! At first i was a little worried it could be because i was angry (with work) most of the time when i was pregnant with her. LOL. ok so she can smile. Her favourite time to smile is in the morning when she just woke up.
3. She can turn her head left and right when placed belly down. Actually she can already do this in the first month which scared us to bits. I got so stressed out looking at her do that, i always had to turn her back to lie on her back
4. She can see colors now! I think. Because we hung this fisher price mobile on her cot since the first month but she was never that interested in it, until a few weeks ago when i placed her in her cot and wound up the mobile. Her eyes practically lit up! and she started smiling like never before! boy!
5. She knows how to ask for milk (in bed). lol. She will do this little action i call the "milk dance". If i am lying next to her, she will first look at me with the cheeky face, then she will start lifting both her legs up high and say URGHHH. That's her asking for milk and it's so cute to see that i will pretend i dont know she wants milk until she does that. lol. the hb always says i like to tempt her =_=" I believe what shes trying to do is to turn her own body so that she's side lying because that's how i breastfeed her in bed. lol
6. If she's had enough milk, she will spit out the milk from her mouth. Most of the time splattering milk on herself and my face =_="

Breastfeeding-How I went from a non-believer to a "seasoned pro"

 

I sincerely hope no one is going to be searching for breastfeeding tips and guidelines and come to this blog, because i am not here to TEACH how to breastfeed. I am here to talk about my personal experience with breastfeeding. To sum it up, i have a love hate relationship with breastfeeding, still do now, almost 3 months down the road.

 

Even right up to my final weeks of pregnancy, i was still very undecided on breastfeeding. I kept asking myself, dont know whether i will have milk or not (none of the child bearing ladies in my family did or had ever attempted breastfeeding). Which is why i asked my sister to buy me an Avent manual pump from London. I was like, IF i really do have milk, i will just use this "cheap" manual pump since i dont know how long i will last. In fact, i never really told myself "yes! i AM going to breastfeed" its more like if i can i will do it, if i can't there's always formula. So we did buy one small tin of formula few weeks before.

Since the hospital I went to is a "breastfeeding friendly hospital", within the first hour of birth, they will put baby with me to suckle and to trigger the milk production. During the 3 day stay in the hospital, the nurses and the lactation consultant will keep coming in to guide me on how to correctly latch and hold baby. In fact since they practise "rooming in", the nursery nurses will always push baby to me when she's crying. So i let her latched without much thought and trepidation.

The hb was so anxious his daughter will be sucking nothing =_= and kept asking the LC whether i have any milk. On the 2nd day, when the LC squeezed, out came a few drops of colostrum. Wowee! I can produce milk! LOL

First few pumps of the liquid gold


It was when we went back home, the challenge began. First mistake, hiring a confinement lady. The very first hour she stepped into the house, "lets make formula for baby lah!! u dont have enough milk lah! baby is hungry!". Before i can say, "let me think about it"..she has already made a bottle of formula for baby. But even so, i was just mildly annoyed at not having have any say to that. I was still open to giving formula to baby which is why i bought the tin of formula in the first place. I was just a bit sad that i will not get to latch baby that night because shes going to sleep with the CL (yes, me the person who is so against direct latching baby. i felt sad). Dont ask me why i did not decide to sleep with baby, thats because i feel terribly awkward with sharing a room with a stranger (CL not baby)

On that night itself, i started to feel really engorged. It was a weird feeling. The CL brought out the avent pump and made me pump. Lo and behold, i can pump milk! omg..what a funny feeling! LOL. my boobs can produce milk. wahahaha...she then, fed baby with a spoon with it. Ok this i have to give credit to her, sometimes she seem like shes pro breastfeeding but sometimes shes not.

I will tell you how she's not, which is also mostly why i fired her after 2 weeks. LOL. I dont know why she do not really like me direct latching the baby. After introducing the bottle to baby, of course she will need some time to adjust back to direct latching. She started crying when i tried to latch her, and she will say things like "aiyoh mummy smelly isit" or "aiyo why u dont want mummy, you very bad!". Sounds pretty harmless, but when you repeatedly hear that combined with the post natal hormonal blues, i got pretty riled up every single time she said that.

When i finish pumping she will say things like "so little only ah???". She kept saying that almost every time i came out with the bottle of milk to keep inside the fridge. Until i got so fed up i refuse to answer her anymore when she said that. She knew i was upset and told me she will cook this shit and that to increase milk. Honestly, i never really think her cooking helped me increase my milk. Sometimes when i can pump more, she will quickly say "see! it's bcos of the soup i cooked". Really, i think it's bcos she kept her mouth shut and that made my mood better, thats why i can sometimes pump more!

Other than that, every time baby makes a big soft poo (which is normal for babies drinking breast milk) she will start her "song". "aiyo baby dont cry la, you drink mummy's milk is like that one loh!!" she said that every single f**king time she makes a big poo and cries. For some reason, i got so wound up hearing her say that i told her off once. But after a few time, she will forget and start to say the same shit again. To me, i do not thikn she is that pro breastfeeding after all.

Maybe its because i got a stupid CL, that got me so determined to continue pumping. But she could also be the reason i wanted to quit in the first month. It got to a point when i was secretly trying to direct latch my baby in my room and trying to shush the baby up if she cries because the minute baby cries she will come into my room =_=

By the second week, the hb bought me the medela swing as "motivation" for me to continue pumping. When i saw the pump, i had mixed feelings. On one hand, i felt happy that i now have an electronic pump, on the other, that means i will have to continue pumping more than a month :x So much so, we got into a fight many times over the topic of whether i should continue breastfeeding. I had to pump every 3 hours even in the middle of the night. So technically, i had to wake up in the middle of the night even though i do not have to take care of baby at night. But weirdly enough, during those days, when i woke up in the middle of the night to rock-as-hard-boobs to pump, baby would more often than not be up and crying for feeds too. I think it was some mojo jumbo mother-baby synching at work.

After we fired the CL, we had to then take care of baby at night. I had to take care of baby day AND night. Which ultimately meant, i will have less time to pump. But for the first 2 weeks after we fired her, my mom and my sister came over and helped out. So they could help me take care of the baby while i pump. But after the 2 weeks was up, i had no time at all to pump! everytime i bring out the pump, the baby will be crying to be carried or fed. And i dragged my pumping session from 3 hours to 4 to 5...and this badly affected my milk supply.

During the worst period, i only managed to pump 1 oz or 2 oz from both sides at one time! I thought ok, i have already exceeded my 1 month mark, i am happy enough. To hell with breastfeeding, i want my boobies back :x But on the other hand, i was thinking "oh noooo i cant provide the best for my baby". Yes i was having a split personality like that, a bit like smeagol.

Also up until now, baby was never FULLY breastfed, I had formula to supplement if i didnt have enough milk in the day but we always made formula for her at night with the opinion that formula is more filling and she can sleep longer and so can we! whee~~

Ironically, this was the time baby refuse to sleep at night. She used to be ok, sleeping throughout the night. only waking up for feeds, etc. For that one week, she will sleep in the evenings, but by the time we bring her to the room at 11pm. her eyes will suddenly open wide and begged to be carried and fed and carried and fed. The cycle goes on until 3am. She will ONLY sleep AFTER 3am for that 1 week! During that 1 week i was like "oh nooooo what have we signed up for!!! i wnat my baby-free life" (wormy, if you ever read this, i do love you very much..lol).

And it all started one friday night when i've had enough! That night, before her bedtime, i tried to direct latch her in bed with both of us lying down. Weirdly, she fell very very soundly asleep and slept the whole night thru!!!! Well, almost...but she only woke up once!!! We 2 discussed and did a post mortem on what we did that night to make her sleep thru the night. LOL. yes we take our sleep very seriously. And we decided it must be the direct latch. So the next night, i tried it again and omaigottt..she slept thru the night again.

By the 3rd or 4th night i was convinced it is not a coincidence and i can now safely say baby loves to direct latch before she sleeps. And when she wakes up in the middle of the night, all i have to do is just to pull her close and latch her and we both continue sleeping :x The hb would be the happiest bcos he dont have to wake up AT ALL =_= That's ok, i shall sacrifice for the greater good :P Best of all, no need to wash milk bottles

By now, i started alternating between pumping (when she allows me to) in the day time but at night it's always direct latching. But it got to a point where she can ONLY sleep at night after i had latched her. uh oh...problem. One night, we were in the sitting room watching tv and she asked to be fed, but every time i latched her on she will release again after few seconds and started crying again. This went on a few times until the hb suggested maybe she wanted me to feed her in bed. So i brought her to bed and she fell asleep shortly :P

And that is how i started to direct latch her again. In fact, now i barely pump when i m with her. The only time i pumped is when im at the office. Last weekend, from friday till monday, i only pumped once. The rest of the time it was DL all the way. On saturday while at the mall, i even DL her in the nursing room. That is an all time record for me! Me! the person who is like "meh" towards breastfeeding, i am nursing my baby in a mall!

And because of all that DL, my supply slowly climbed back up again :)

Now she's an addict, i can't be carrying her if shes hungry or cranky or sleepy and she can't sleep without me at night. For now, i will just enjoy the undisturbed sleep and worry about how to wean her few months down the road :P

Just before i started work, again i had my "breakdown" with breastfeeding. How to make time to pump during office hours??? To me, i feel it is unreasonable to take time off to pump. I said ok i will stop breastfeeding in the 2nd mth! On my first day back at work, i tried to work out a schedule with the existing nursing mums on who gets to use the nursing room at what time and managed to work it out with my boss and it seems to work for 2 weeks now. I can tell you, it is not easy to be working and pumping on schedule. There are meetings and work commitments.

Now i understand why nursing mothers kept saying breastfeeding is NOT easy. I am a non-believer turned believer.

What i would have done differently the next round (if any!): DL the whole way in the first month!

Wormy's birth story (part 3-the real deal)

After the epidural, it's like a fog has been cleared. I can talk and Breathe thru the contraction. Although the midwife insisted I still feel some pain so that I will know when to push. But she did "warn" me that some babies are not compatible with epidural, if it causes some harm to the baby the epidural will have to be stopped. I cannot survive the next few hours without it! I told the hb to talk to baby so that she can pull thru bcos I cannot not have epidural. Lol. And hb talked to the baby. I wonder whether she was able to hear him at that time or not.

All the while baby's heartbeat was being monitored, and as luck would have it..baby's heartbeat was slowing down at every contraction due to cord compression. The midwife was very concerned and so were we! she kept coming to tell me to pray! pray that you will be fully dilated very soon!

I remember telling her, but can I be fully dilated that soon? She told me "miracles can happen. You never know" she's so sweet :)

Lo and behold, by 11am I was Already 10cm dilated and it is now Time to push! She started teaching me how to push but I was real sucky in that. lol. First is I couldn't feel much contraction bcos of the epidural and also I was a lousy pusher. She had to put a hand on my tummy so she could tell me when to push. It is hard because i am not sure how much energy i put in. I felt like i am already trying my best, but maybe i didnt because there is not much feeling "down there" :/ After almost an hour of pushing, she said she needs to call my obgyn up and see what he advises. I was still pushing when the obgyn came up and I was unaware that he was already there. Until I suddenly heard him calling my name. "PinkCotton! You can do it!!!". Lol that was real motivational although I still had to resort to vacuum extraction in the end. Until now, it has become a "household saying". For e.g. if baby is struggling to finish her milk, we will tell her "wormy!!u can do it!" ok..lets not digress...

I pushed and pushed until I let wind out and sounded like a cow (luckily no shit came out). Oh before the obgyn came, the midwife actually put in a hand and tried to turn baby's head so it's easier for her to come out :O 

By then the head is already out so my doctor told me he is going to use vacuum extraction and there is only a limited number of time i can push with the vacuum attached. He mentioned i only have 5 tries, after that....he paused (dramatic pause), we will have to use "another method". Until now, i dont know whether he said that to "motivate" me or it's bcos too many tries with the vacuum will harm the baby's head. So he attached the vacuum on baby's head and I pushed 2 times and baby was out! At that point, I had my eyes closed so I was caught in surprise when suddenly there was a warm baby with her arms flailing around and her body warm and sticky on my chest. That was my first impression of my daughter :) words failed to express what I felt at that point of time, I was in a whirlwind of emotions and I just burst into tears at that moment. Wormy decided to open her mouth and gave a very loud cry. And I cried together with her. lol. The stupid hb just had to video the whole thing instead of just taking photos so the video had me crying in it -_-"

When I re-watched the video again, I saw my doctor standing at the side and kept smiling at me. Don't know whether he's so happy he just delivered a baby or laughing at me crying. After that, even until now the hb still asks why did i cry. I am still unable to explain why. I was touched and overwhelmed all at the same time. After months of anticipation and interaction with this little being inside of me, I can finally meet this little human being which I grew inside my womb. Heck, towards the end of my pregnancy i was even doubting it is actually a baby punching me from the inside. LOL.

    Baby's first photo

For days after the birth, I kept trying to figure out how on earth did I fit her inside my tummy...doesnt seem to be enough space to fit a 3kg baby.

After the delivery, the nurses left baby with the both of us for some bonding time. The midwife helped me to get baby to suckle and she left us. Wormy was really alert and had already opened her eyes wide and kept looking at us. After almost an hour of delivery, I asked the hb what time was she born? He said he didnt know and told me maybe 11am (actual time was 12pm) The  thing is , i did not have my glasses on throughout the whole process and i couldn't see the time. He, who had glasses on didnt even know what time it was =_=" Then i realized, we have not informed our family.

Asked him whether he had already told them?? He said no. So that is how my family and friends only found out I had already delivered. Almost 2 hours AFTER the birth. LOL. Kept asking him to bring me my phone when i was in labor, he said no, it will interfere with the machines...wtf this guy.LOL!

In fact, when i was halfway pushing a baby out of me, he walked to me and said to me matter-of-factly..."I think you are pushing the wrong way, you should push like this..". I cannot for the hell of me remember how he taught me to push. But i am really surprised with myself that i didnt just give him a punch in the face for saying that. In fact, i even replied him calmly, "noo...the midwife asked me to push like this.."

People used to say, being in labor brings out the WORST in you, i was VERY surprisingly calm throughout the whole process. I didnt even raise my voice at him or lose my patience. I guess the calmness is the WORST side of me. wahahaha!

By the time i had my phone, the notification page was full of missed calls, messages, whatsapp messages. HUNDREDS of unread messages in my whatsapp. Some people even thought i had died :x my bad, the last update from me was 12am. I fell off the grid after that. lol. But it sure felt good to have my phone in my hands again #geek

Wormy's birth story (part 2-first stage of labor)

Arrived at the hospital slightly after 12am. I need to be sent to the a&e since it's after hospital opening hours. The hb dropped me off at the entrance and went to park the car. The attendant pushed a wheelchair to me and I told him I don't need it. Lol! When I went in, the nurses immediately sat me in a wheelchair and I was pushed all the way up to the maternity ward anyway without any objections. Speakin of pride. Lol. Hb went to do the admission procedures and i was handed over to the night shift auntie nurse who then brought me to the observatory ward.

Told me they are going to insert the suppository at 1am and I need to stay in bed for 2 hours for the medicine to do its magic. I asked whether I will feel any pain. She said it depends but mostly no. So I was pretty hopeful I can get some sleep that night. She checked me for dilation and it hurt like hell. Bloody shit auntie nurse and her short fingers :x and kept saying "you are not even 1cm dilated!!!" And kept shaking her head. Bloody hell. I said the obgyn said I was already 2cm dilated. She said no lah! Where got! -_-"

So she inserted the suppository at 1. The hb came in to see me then and told me our room is ready and how nice it was and happily told me they even set up a bed for him. But I have to be stuck alone in the observatory ward :( since the nurse kept saying I have to stay in bed. I told the hb to go back to the room and get some sleep since i was anticipating a loooong day tomorrow. By then it was 1:30am. He said he will come back in again to see me 2 hours later, which is 3am. I said ok.

I didnt even have my handbag with me and therefore my iphone (my precioussss phone) wasnt with me. Which was a "mistake" because I think this is longest I am away from my phone in years! Maybe since the day I owned an iphone. LOL! I only managed to check my phone AFTER I delivered.

It took me 30 mins to fall asleep but I suddenly woke up with this sharp pain on my lower back and tummy at 2:30am. Which meant I had only slept for 30 mins. I thought i was having a tummy upset so I held on till 3:00am to get out of bed to go to the toilet since I shouldn't move until 3. No shit came out but pain persists. God! I was in labor! From then on, I kept looking at the evil clock next to my bed and counting the minutes. By then I was already having contractions every 15 minutes! 

 

If I were to describe how contractions feels like, it's this pain that wraps your whole Lower back and the whole of your tummy. By 4am, the pain was sooo bad I had to hold on tightly to the bed handle and was shivering throughout the whole contraction. By then it came every 5 minutes! The hb said he would come over at 3am but there was no sign of him at 4am! I was so tempted to ring the bell to ask the nurse to call him in but I thought to myself, why would I want him in there to see me in pain when he should just get some rest. Wow I'm such a good wife. Lol 

By 6am, the hb brought water and came in to see me. I was already pale and dizzy with pain. I told him...I want epidural nowwww! (After that, he told me he woke up to see me at 3am but the stupid nurse told him not to go in and disturb my sleep. Sleep her head! She didn't even come in to check on me. I could have died. Lol) he went out to tell the nurse that I'm in great pain. The nurse came in with her equally auntie partner and tried to "motivate" me : "ha? You cannot stand it anymore ah?? It's going to get worse you know?? This is the kind of pain every mummy needs to go thru!" 

The hb asked for extra pillows bcos I was having very bad back pain. Again she said "it won't help oneeee!!!" Eat shit lah u! Don't wanto give me epidural at least make me feel comfortable lah. And also didnt even check me for dilation. I told her I m already having contractions 5 minutes apart. She kept saying "not yet". As far as I know, 5 min apart contractions is already real labor ok! Thank God for the day shift nurse (nurse Phang) who came in at 7am (I think). She came in and introduced herself and asked me is there anything she can do to make me feel comfortable. 

I said I want epidural and I am in great pain! She immediately brought me to the actual labor room and let me inhale the laughing gas. Although it didn't help to reduce the pain as much as epidural at least she's doing something to make me feel comfortable! She told me getting an epidural at 7:30am is going to incur extra charges Bcos the anaesthetics only comes in at 8am. I looked at the clock and I told myself I can wait 30 mins. The anaesthetist and my obgyn only came at 9am! #%^*€~

By 9am I was already 4cm dilated. When my obgyn came in, he was his usual happy self and greeted me but I was in so much pain I couldn't even lift my head to look at him. Lol. I was curled up in a fetal position. He was a little shocked and half talked to himself and to me and hb "you are in so much pain already ah?" He checked me for dilation and since I am already in labor, I do not require to be induced anymore. Lol. He broke my water bag then and left.

The part where they broke my water bag was really scary. It's this long plastic needle like thingy, almost as long as the plastic straw holder for balloons with a hook at the end. I was bracing myself for pain but i felt nothing. I guess its because the contraction pain overrides every other feeling. They collected the water in a small bag and showed it to me. Dr was right, there was very little water, almost like water from 1 cup i think. Dont know how wormy managed in there with so little lubrication.

The anaesthetist came shortly after and administered the epidural. I remember grunting like a cave man in reply to his questions that he kept asking me whether I can understand him. Lol. And he even made me sign the consent form. I was like "cut the crap and let me sign it!". Dont even know what i scribbled there as my signature. When the epidural is done..heaven!!!!! I can finally talk again although replies in one words and hb managed to feed me half slice of buttered bread. 

Wormy's birth story (part 1- how I got admitted)

So wormy was born on the 5th of May 2014. The actual due date was 7th of May. By the checkup on that Sunday which is 4th of May I was Getting really anxious. So many thoughts running through my mind. Will I be overdue? Will I give birth today? What does contractions feel like? Will I still need to go back to work the following week? Do I need to bring my work laptop back. Lol!

Call it instincts or coincidence, I was on leave from 30th onwards. I started having discomforts which I thought was gastric pains on the 3rd of May and again early morning on 4th of May. I thought I had diarrhea and went to the toilet several times that night. Lol. On 4th of May morning, still I did not have any signs so we went for my weekly checkup. My obgyn said since my due date is just 3 days away, might as well check for dilation. I've heard so much about how the doctors checks for dilation and was prepared for bleeding AFTER that. 

Imagine my surprise, actually BOTH our surprise when I started bleeding on the examination table itself before he even starts checking for dilation. Lol. I remember he "EH!!" loudly. He asked, was I bleeding before I came? I said no. He still proceeded to check for dilation and I was already 2cm dilated. He did an ultrasound scanning before that and found that the amniotic fluid is also getting less. Don't know where it went? Asked me whether I had any water leakage. I said no. Ghee. I am such a clueless mother. 

Since I was already bleeding and not much fluid left, he decided its best that I deliver the next day. Which means I have to be induced! Oh noooo... Dr soon suggested that I be admitted at midnight on 5th of May so that I get to "maximize" the first nights stay so to speak. Lol. Everyone kept asking why do I have to be admitted at midnight. They would insert a suppository at 1am and I would be induced by 7am the next day and Hopefully I will deliver by evening. 

Dr gave me the green light to go home but advised against walking too much as in going to a shopping mall. Lol. I was already bleeding quite a lot by then and I felt really uncomfortable and anxious. I have lost all kind of appetite by then. I remember I had char sio pau for lunch and the hb insist I get some rest that afternoon.  But sleep eludes me. We both spent time searching on the Internet on labour. Lol. 

That night we had dominos pizza for dinner and again tried to sleep but failed to do so. Kept looking at the clock and at that point of time, my "strategy" was to psych myself into believing I can handle ANY kind of pain. Received a few phone calls from family and close friends and I was motivated and in a calm mood. The hb was busy climbing up and down setting up the baby cot, cleaning the fan and doing last minute preparations

 

He is finally willing to put the bedsheets and cot bumpers on baby's cot.

 

Cleaning the changing mat...lol

Before long, it was 11pm and time for us to go to the hospital. I kept thinking to myself and staring at my bulging tummy, this is it! The next time i am home, I will have a flat tummy (hoped so, although my tummy isnt that bad after delivery :x) and will be carrying wormy in my arms instead. Although i remember cracking my head what should i wear to the hospital, should i still wear underwear? LOL! yes i am superficial like that... (To be continued)